Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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