Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
