Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
