I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
