So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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