a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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