I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
