Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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