i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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