i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
