You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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