i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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