I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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