I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
