Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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