so explain again why im purple
no
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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