Whod you bang
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
