He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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