I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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