OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wish there were birth control emojis
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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