All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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