True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
NoShamevember. You game?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
