Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
