Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
