I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
