A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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