I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
