Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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