Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I faked an abortion last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
