just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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