the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You're like the curious george of whores
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
