I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
