I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
