Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
