My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
