no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
