Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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