so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
