420 ftw
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
