You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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