Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Too much gin, very little bucket
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
