Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
smell my finger.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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