____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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