he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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