Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
