it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
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you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
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you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?