just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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