i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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