you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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