last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.