Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics