dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night