Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(239): View more from Florida

I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking

Fav 61 6119 1169
share tweet
(760): View more from California

blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.

Fav 14 1243 4489
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...

Fav 9 5041 961
share tweet
(760): View more from California

The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.

Fav 11 1273 6851
share tweet
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(519): View more from Ontario

and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.

Fav 9 7082 1893
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"

Fav 40 5643 5462
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(514): View more from Quebec

bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.

Fav 7 1704 2551
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(954): View more from Florida

He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.

Fav 3 414 547
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.

(774): View more from Massachusetts

You schedule blowjobs?

Fav 2 252 84
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT