I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she pinky promised me she was 18
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
