I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
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Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
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the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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