You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sober January is a disaster.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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