I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
