I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
