Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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