i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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