yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
