for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
