We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize