So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize