Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
