Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
