A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
