are you still at the devil's house?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
