I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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