If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
