you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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